Cardone... Codie...McElroy... Pace... is something wrong with them (or me...?)

Cardone... Codie...McElroy...Pace...is something wrong with them (or me...?) 

Here's the scene:

It's been a long day, and I've worked incredibly hard.

I'm proud of the work I did.

I'm proud of the family I have.

It's a good life.

And now, it's bedtime. My kids are sleeping, finally. And it only took 8 water requests, 5 episodes of Bluey, three stories, and only a few minutes of tears.

Finally, i'm in bed. 

Ahhhhh. Peace.

(hold onto that word for a minute... peace. I'm going to come back to it.) 

I pull up my phone to check social media and see what's going on. I've actually done a really good job of avoiding it all day.

Now I get to decompress by scrolling.

Wow, here's a video that Codie Sanchez did that got over 100,000 likes ... Dang, mine only got 200. 

Scroll.

Oh, interesting, Grant Cardone just sent money to a bunch of investors. Seems like their deals are paying out really well.  Dang, we've been struggling big time with a few of our big deals.

Scroll.

Oh look, Pace Morby is in an RV traveling the country with his family. They look like they're having so much fun. He's so good at networking and he's so good on camera. I don't even like talking to people most of the time.

Scroll.

Ken McElroy just raised thirty million bucks to buy a new apartment community, and he said it only took a couple days. Oh, and his post got 100,000 likes. Whoa. I havent bought a big deal in over a year. I'm just trying to survive.

Scroll.

Now that's the outward view of what's happening.

I'm watching videos of people win.

it's pretty impressive what people are doing. Good for them.

And for you, maybe its not on social media.

it might be the guy with the six pack at the gym.

The friend who just bought the newest Tesla car AND went on a European vacation.

And while watching someone win is outwardly harmless... I want to talk about the program that most of our brains are actually running.... and I want to help all of us find a better program.

The Mental Gymnastics We Do

Outwardly, we're just scrolling Instagram, or we're at the gym, or on a call with a friend.

But inside, something is breaking.

Because here is the mental script that happening in the few seconds that follow you noticing someone winning bigger than you: 

I work hard and I'm a good person!

... But that guy/gal has way more than I do...

...and I kinda would like that thing they have...

... so either I'm missing something they've got.....

...or what I'm doing is wrong or I am wrong or I'm not a good person.

And it's that last part that's unbearable to someone's ego.

So the brain is now holding some pretty conflicting thoughts in its head... and the brain hates that.

So the brain does what the brain does... it goes to look for a third option, where I get to stay the good guy.

He must have cheated.

He must be miserable.

She must be a jerk.

He must be a workaholic.

They must hate poor people.

(BTW:  this isn't just me making this up. Psychologists have a name for this, I think Freud coined it: The Ego Defense Mechanism.)

Now, my guess is some of you are vehemently disagreeing with what you're reading right now, thinking "I would never do that." 

And maybe you're right.

Or maybe that's your ego defense mechanism ;)

So rather than pick on you, let me pick on me.

When I see Codie Sanchez with her social media success... my brain says "Well sure... she must spend all her time on social media and not actually working in the businesses (Which I KNOW is a lie, I know Codie, and I know she works incredibly hard at both.)

Or I see Grant Cardone with his real estate success, so he must be working 100 hours a week and never sees his kids (Which I KNOW is a lie, I know Cardone, and I think he's a great dad).

Or when I see Pace's RV trip, he must be just pretending to have a good time (Which is a lie, I know Pace, and he's genuinely loves people more than anyone I've ever met).

Or I see Ken McElroy and his new deal, so he must be just lucky because he's got connections from being in the business for 30 years (Which is NOT a lie... but why is experience a bad thing?)

So what's happening? Why do I do this?

My brain immediately starts to try to find a way to assume there is a reason that I'm not winning like they are. There must be a logical reason, because I can't be the one losing.

the truth is, no one wants to be a villain in their own story.

and so we must make someone else the villain we can stay the hero.

• That guy at the gym must be so conceited to have that six pack. And I bet he has no kids!

• My friend with the new Tesla, they are so dumb to put all their money into liabilities. They should really read Rich Dad Poor Dad.

And we also do it with celebrities:

• The Kardashians must be dumb.

• Justin Bieber must be miserable.

• Sam Altman must be an a-hole.

I think you get what I'm saying.

And I'm talking to myself as much as anybody else.

So what do we do about it?

We know social media is a highlight reel.

We know that behind every amazing public victory is usually a loooong line of silent failures.

so when you feel that part of your ego start to reveal itself while scrolling social media or listening to a podcast...

Here are six things I'm trying to do to break this mental pattern:

1.) Pause and Recognize

One of my all-time favorite quotes, often attributed to Viktor Frankl (the Austrian psychiatrist, Holocaust survivor, and author of the book "Man's Search for Meaning,") is,

“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”

although his quote can apply to a lot of areas of life, I think it especially applies here.

It's hard to fix something we don't acknowledge.

So when I find myself searching for reasons to make someone the villain, I pause and I recognize what I'm doing.

I name it.

This is jealousy.

This is my ego.

This is sin.

2.) I Thank God for Their Success

I once heard it said it's impossible to be angry with somebody and pray for them.

I think the same concept applies here.

I want to offer a quick prayer to God and thank God for blessing them.

Not some fake "good for you, pal" thought.  But I want to say

"God... forgive my jealousy and envious heart.  Bless Codie!  It's amazing what you're doing for Codie! She works so hard and is helping so many people find financial freedom! I pray her book launch goes incredibly well and she can continue changing lives!"

There's something powerful about forcing your prayer to say what your ego doesn't want to say.

3.) Respect the Price

I once heard Alex Hormozi say, "Don't complain about the results you didn't get from the work you didn't do" and I think of it every day.

Because the truth is, I didn't see the price they paid for the thing I'm jealous of.

I see Codie's 100,000 likes, I don't see the thousands of videos she's made, the years she's spent learning the craft, the criticism she's absorbed, or the hours her team has spent figuring out what works.

I see Ken raise $30 million in a few days. I don't see the 30 years of relationships, deals, losses, investor calls, mistakes, market cycles, and reputation that made those few days possible.

I don't have to want the same thing. I don't need to feel "less than."

They did the work; I'm proud of them.

I don't get to resent someone for paying a price I wasn't willing, or didn't want, to pay.

4.) Respect the Luck

And even when there isn't a price... sometimes people just get lucky.

Good. Because that means I can get lucky too.

In fact... I AM lucky.

Unbelievably so.

I was born in an unbelievable time to be alive, in an unbelievable country with unbelievable opportunity everywhere.

I make more than $8 a day (the median income for humans on Earth.)

I go to the bathroom indoors.

I open up my faucet and clean water comes out.

People read my newsletters.

I am so lucky and blessed.

5.) Turn Envy into Education

Maybe Codie is better at social media than I am because she has spent years obsessively studying what works? (She has!)

Maybe Ken can raise $30 million in a few days because he's spent 30 years building trust and knows how to find good deals (he does!)

Maybe the guy at the gym has a six pack because he's more disciplined with food than I am (definitely true!)

That doesn't mean I need their life, their values, their mission.  And it definitely doesn't mean everything they're doing is right.  But instead of turning them into a villain to protect my ego...

I can get curious.

What are they doing that I could learn from?

Jealousy says: "They don't deserve that" or "they only have it because..."

Curiosity says: "How did they do that?" and "What can I learn that will help me?"

Those two questions will take your life in VERY different directions.

Tony Robbins often says the quality of your life is based on the quality of your questions.

6.) Watch My Scorecard 

Finally, I take a minute to count my own score on my own scoreboard.

I'm not running Codie's race. I'm not running Ken's race or Pace's race

I'm running Brandon's race, the one God called me to run.

Our scoreboards are very different.

• today, my kids learned a Bible verse by memory.

• today, I helped one of my team members learn a new skill.

• today I let my investors know some bad news and took ownership of the problems.

• today I wrote the newsletter I said I'd write.

That was a pretty damn good day.

I don't need Codie's social media numbers, Grant's distributions, Pace's personality, Ken's fundraising ability, that guy's abs, my friend's Tesla, or anybody else's life.

I need to faithfully build mine.

And when I do that, when I shift my heart and attitude toward lifting up others, and when I look at my life through the lens of God's incredible favor and blessing...

I find Peace.

I'll talk to you next week,

Brandon

P.S. If you’ve read this far, can you just hit the “REPLY” button on your email and send me a 1-3 sentence email on what stood out to you. I actually read these, and it helps me know what to create in the future for you. Thanks!